My Wife and Proverbs 31

So I have been reading Proverbs this past month. Someone taught me a method that has been of great benefit:

1. Turn to the Proverb chapter that corresponds with the given day of the month.

2. Read the Proverb chapter through one time.

3. Re-Read the Proverb a second time and stop when you land on a stanza that impacts you.

4. Spend the day thinking, praying, feeling that passage.

The thing I like I about this plan is that if you miss a day it's okay, just pick up on the day that you get reengaged and go from there. I find that in a few months I can hit all the chapters.

The only problem with the plan is that April doesn't have 31 days and with Mother's Day coming up it would be good to read that Proverb chapter. So I cheated a little bit and read it today.

My wife (and mother of our children) inspires me to recognize a few truths that come from this passage:

1. The importance of the mother son relationship in preparing them for their future bride. (Prov. 31:1)

2. The importance of thankfulness for a marriage partner, never taking her for granted. (10)

3. The importance of and value of forming a trust relationship between one another. (11, 12)

4. The importance of having someone to think, share and pray through the issues of life. (16)

As Adriane and I begin to plan our celebration from being five years free from Leukemia I am being reminded of how wonderful she really is.

Infertility, Leukemia, & Jesus (Part 2)

... continuation of my first post "Infertility, Leukemia, & Jesus (Part 1)"

Another statement from the article that I learned about through infertility but understood practically from Adriane's Leukemia was this:

Marital stress.
All those decisions. What are we going to try? How long are we going to try it? You have expenses, a lot of disappointment, and a lot of stress. I was afraid that Phil resented me because I was the infertile one. Did he regret marrying me? That question came up one day. He said, “You’re not infertile. We are infertile.” His response was very comforting to me. Family members’ pain.

It doesn't matter who gets sick in a marriage. It doesn't matter whose body is broken the most because both are broken just in different ways. When Scripture teaches through marriage two become one it is not just a romantic statement to make everyone feel warm inside (although it is romantic). It really is true, there is no more I or me, and there is no more her and him, we are one. The whole purpose of marriage is to understand the idea of two becoming one (in our marriage, and in Christ).

When Adriane got sick with Leukemia (year five of being healed coming up fast) and I went home that first night after the diagnosis I remember going into our bedroom and I couldn't get into our bed. It didn't seem right for me to sleep there while she wasn't in the house. Now I am not saying when our wives go on a trip we can't sleep in our bed, by all means jump right in the middle of that bed and enjoy the space. It was more about knowing she wanted to be in that bed with me and it was suffering for her not to be in that bed and I needed to partake in that suffering with her. I didn't sleep in that bed for the next thirty days while she was in the hospital because I wanted to experience oneness with her and this was the best way I could do it at that time. Eventually, we got to the place where home was no longer just our house, it was wherever we could both be together (home, hospital, extended stay hotel).

I think a correlation between this and fasting could be argued. Fasting is suppose to be done with specific purposes in mind; searching for and hoping for clarity from God. Fasting is about denying yourself and then when you really feel the pain of that denial; talk with God, call out to him, and remember him.

Infertility, Leukemia, & Jesus (Part 1)

I got to my blog reading yesterday and found several people posting on an article about infertility. Every time I see something or read something on infertility it is like a little slap in the face reminding me of the blows that life has dealt. I forged ahead however and decided to read the article. A few things jumped out at me that I would like to share over a few blog posts ..

Infertility shatters your identity. You have a picture in your mind. You are married. You have a house with a white picket fence. You have a minivan and a big dog. But where are the children? Infertility shatters this rosy picture. Infertility is often misunderstood. People take it lightly. A person with a chronic disease or terminal illness gets support from all those around them. But to a couple struggling with infertility, these same people offer platitudes. “Count all your blessings.” If one couple says they want kids, another says, “Take mine!”

This is so true. There is nothing like the mental and spiritual domination of infertility. To this very day I read articles like this looking for the author to say when their little miracle came and how it really helped them appreciate the baby all the more and how they realized God's providence in their life. Those articles I quickly put aside and the silent resentment that never leaves attempts to rekindle the embers of anger in my heart.

Infertility has taught me how to be careful of using words like devastating. Infertility has humbled me to the point of learning the definition of devastating. I never knew what devastation really was until infertility visited my family doorstep. Devastation is that place where hope is crushed but time still exists to experience it.

This is where my relationship with Christ needed to change. My concept of God was bound up in do's and don't, but those where insufficient to carry my wife and I through the devastation. This is where we needed to learn to live in grace, in that space that operates within the confines of grace while not bouncing our heads against the wall with requirements of the faith. We needed to understand the relational aspects of Christ versus the commands of Christ.

Please don't get me wrong, the commands of Christ form the pathway that allows us to walk in grace, to know him, but they are not the journey itself. The journey is walking in the promise of hope; namely that Jesus will redeem me from all devastation. That devastation will be no more.